A few minutes ago, my neighbors’ incessantly barking dog came into my yard and attacked me. This is the fourth time it’s done that. I was on my way to Mom’s house to give Tim the specs for the cover of Hallucinabulia: the Dream Diary of an Unintended Solitarian. It should be ready soon. Today…
Mom rewards my optimism
October 20, 2023
Mom has seen fit to reward my optimism. Yesterday I broke with the pessimists in my life, and by nightfall I was shown that I made the right decision. Those of you who think I’m insane for believing this can go right ahead. I respect your opinion, and I— No I don’t. Cram it. Shove…
Advice for survivors
October 20, 2023
I’ve heard it from other survivors of a death, and now I’ve discovered that it’s true: Your “friends” will dump you. There are lots of reasons. They don’t know what to say to you, the death reminds them of their own mortality, they’ve never even thought about death, they’re not used to feeling or expressing…
Good-bye, pessimists. I’m sorry.
October 19, 2023
My father Edward Joseph Wictor was the most pessimistic person I’ve known. His favorite pronouncements were, “It’s really scary” and “Nothing’s ever gonna get better.” Here’s Dad at the age of twenty-three in 1951, serving in the U.S. Coast Guard at LORAN Station Bikati. Dad being Dad, the only thing I know about his time…
Mom was a party girl!
October 19, 2023
In the last two years of her life, Mom told me a lot about herself. A lot. Things that I found truly inconceivable. Since she told me these things in confidence, I won’t repeat them. But Mom was a party girl. Aside from a couple of her girlfriends, I may be the only person who…
Ghosts and Ballyhoo album
October 18, 2023
The Ghosts and Ballyhoo album has been released. Drummer Steven Menasche, guitarist Ron Kukan, keyboardist Jai Young Kim, and Scott Thunes have created six tracks of improvised jazz based on the book. I know, I know: improvised jazz? You’re thinking this, right? Nope. It bears no resemblance whatsoever to that. Music like that has its…
Orphans
October 18, 2023
Today it finally hit me that my brothers, my sister, and I are orphans. Eric still has his mother, but the rest of us are parentless. We’re all fifty or thereabouts, so it’s not like we’re now helpless and terrified. I find it incomprehensible more than anything else. Though Mom and Dad died for nine…
Why won’t I just shut up?
October 17, 2023
I’ve gotten a few messages from people saying they disagree with what I write about life after death, the entity I call the Planner, reincarnation, etc. Some people think I’m completely deranged. They want me to just shut up. That’s okay. However, a clarification: I’m not like this woman. Only once in my life have…
Grady Harp review of Ghosts and Ballyhoo
October 17, 2023
Grady Harp has reviewed Ghosts and Ballyhoo on Amazon. Five stars! Thank you, Grady. I was going to write a post about how Mom’s death has left me in a state of hyper-irritation. Most of what I see and hear strikes me as unbearably trivial. The radio spews out the same set-piece political bitch-fests that…
Mom’s stamps
October 15, 2023
Mom went into the hospital in April. She stopped eating two weeks before her surgery. Dad died on February 23, 2013. Like Mom he stopped eating the second he heard the doctors tell him he had to eat. Six months ago I resigned myself to losing Mom. She duplicated Dad’s death, except that she took…