My father was a complex man. He had an astonishing intellect, a streak of brutality, great artistic skill, indestructible narcissism, bursts of amazing compassion, the total inability to admit when he was wrong, an urge to do the right thing, an adamant refusal to do the right thing, and secrets buried so deeply inside that…
Why there’s no Website memorial to my mother
April 9, 2024
Someone asked me why there’s no Website memorial to my mother. The answer is that it’s too soon. Mom and Dad were both diagnosed with cancer on January 16, 2013. Dad’s death was a blitz attack that ended on February 23, 2013. Mom’s death was a siege that lasted six months. For more than five…
I will not submit
March 21, 2024
The death of my father changed me in fundamental ways. Probably the most significant consequence of Dad’s passing was that it made me aware of how much of my life I’d given over to him. He got what he wanted, regardless of the cost to others. Now that he’s no longer here, you need to…
Online outrage porn
March 19, 2024
I just read a piece titled “Why We’re Addicted to Online Outrage,” by Michael Brendan Dougherty. In his essay Dougherty links to “Outrage Porn: How the Need for ‘Perpetual Indignation’ Manufactures Phony Offense,” by Ryan Holiday. According to Holiday all the online outrage is fake, just a way for Websites to get publicity. He doesn’t…
The eternal question of forgiveness
March 10, 2024
I expect to write about the question of forgiveness for the rest of my life. It’s all right. I don’t mind. The subject interests me. A well-meaning friend sent me the following quote from a Holocaust survivor. Forgiveness is more than “letting go.” It is proactive rather than passive. We become victims involuntarily, when a…
The pain of cashews and broccoli
February 23, 2024
About two weeks before Mom had her cancer surgery on April 4, 2013, she began to starve herself. I’ve written before why she did it. The law of unintended consequences bit us all in the ass: Mom, her parents, the nuns, Tim, me—everybody. Collectively, we were screwed. There’s no recourse. It happened, and it can’t…
No context for male beauty
February 23, 2024
Our popular culture is very cruel. I know, because I spent ten years in the factory that creates it. This cruelty bleeds over into the rest of our culture, which is deeply unhealthy. We hear on a daily basis about the stresses women are under to be beautiful. Although I have a certain amount of…
Watch for patterns
February 20, 2024
In Ghosts and Ballyhoo, one of the Lessons Learned is “Watch for Patterns,” pages 273-274. Watch for the patterns. They might help you perceive your destiny, make the right decisions, dodge a lot of grief, and endure that which you thought you couldn’t. A month ago, my cardiologist told me that I’d lost all the…