I used to spend hours engaging in online fights with strangers. Every single day. For years. It was a way to express my rage. And it was utterly destructive for everyone. It attracted maniacs, one of whom stalked me for about seven months. After long online fights, I felt worse than I did before. I’d…
It was defenestration
December 7, 2023
December 6, 2013, was an extremely unpleasant day. I’ll be glad to see the end of 2013. Annus horriblus. Tim and I have been saying for ages, “The next year cannot possibly be worse than this one was,” and then it would be. Well, 2014 cannot possibly be worse than 2013 because this year was…
Noreen in the Rat Palace
December 5, 2023
I’ve received several queries about Noreen in the Rat Palace. One came from Scott Thunes. So I’ll tell the story. First, an explanation: Ghosts and Ballyhoo is an art project. It isn’t a memoir per se. Everything in it is true, but I wrote it in order to elicit a certain reaction among readers. I…
A very bad man, part one
December 1, 2023
We live in a golden age of flim-flammery. A lot of you reading this are depressed and aghast at what you see; my parents were too. They couldn’t believe how the world had changed since they were born. So to give you a sense of proportion, I’ll tell the story of the most merciless, predatory,…
A very bad man, part two
December 1, 2023
There was no sense of order at all, piles of debris having simply been dumped wherever a clear space had existed. It was a scene of such devastation that I immediately lost all desire to browse and decided to leave. I greeted Larry and engaged him in our ritualized banter, but his heart wasn’t in…
A very bad man, part three
December 1, 2023
He simply would not listen, would not change the way he did things, and would not stop bringing in more and more junk that nobody on the planet wanted. We had no idea how this three-quarters-dead old man would leave another four hundred pounds of crap for us to sort, but he pulled off this…
A very bad man, part four
December 1, 2023
When we arrived at Larry’s hanger, he told us he didn’t have the key, so we’d have to go home. Instead, Tim took a crowbar from his car and silently broke the lock while Larry wailed. Inside, we learned the last of Larry’s secrets. His hidden treasure was a landfill of magazines, cardboard boxes, empty…
A very bad man, part five
December 1, 2023
After we were back within our own walls, I waited an hour and then called Larry’s home number. He answered with his mouth full and told me that he was perfectly okay. I could hear his television blasting in the background “I’m really sorry, but I can’t come back,” I said. “Yeah, sure, I understand….
I feared all the wrong things
November 25, 2023
All my worst fears came true. Since childhood I feared pain, isolation, humiliation, incurable illness, predation, failure, suffering, loneliness, not fitting in… And earwigs. More about the earwigs in a minute. In retrospect I feared all the wrong things, since everything I feared eventually came to pass. Tim and I have had this discussion many…