Thomas Wictor

My friend Joe Cady just saw my Website for the first time.

“Hella Gothic,” was his impression.

Really? I don’t think so, but I hope it attracts Goth women.

It’s easy to figure out why I like that style. Bad girls, saving, being the only one who understands, naughtiness, excitement, drama, etc. But I don’t like bad girls anymore.

I just like them to look bad.

This is a girl I knew in Tokyo. She and I once had an epic makeout session in the abandoned Soviet embassy. I was separated from Carmen at the time, so I wasn’t cheating on her.

The making out evolved. I rounded first base, second, third, and was heading for home when we both just stopped. I think she could sense that I was on the rebound. Though a Goth, she had pretty conventional values. I didn’t want to hurt her.

Besides, once I hit a home run with a woman, the L-word always comes into play. Men are said to be more interested in the physical than the emotional, which may be true for most of my gender-mates. But once I’ve accomplished the physical, the emotional happens against my will.

To complicate matters, I’m drawn to butch women. Every woman with whom I’ve “played baseball” has had more of a male approach, in that she was more interested in the physical aspects than the emotional. More than once I’ve found myself mooning after someone who thought of me only as a set of genitals, a plaything, a superb body to use and discard.

Okay, I made up the last one. Usually we were both drunk, so the next morning they rolled over, saw me, and went, “OH MY GOD!”

These days that’s considered rape. Well, if I raped them, then they raped me too, because I was as drunk as they were.

But my beautiful Goth didn’t want to go any further unless I could commit to her emotionally, which was not possible at the time.

Or today.