Thomas Wictor

Meet Ryan Chamberlain. He lives in the Russian Hill neighborhood of San Francisco. Ryan is a self-described political junkie, wordie, techie, fithead, poker player, and sports fan. And he’s now wanted by the FBI because he was laying the groundwork for a mass-casualty terrorist attack. Why are so many truly fortunate people ready to kill thousands? The main reason is that despite everything he has, Ryan wants more. What he wants is to be politically significant. His lack of imagination and his set-in-concrete prejudices make him unable to visualize any way to achieve political fame except by mass murder.

The FBI believes Chamberlain is armed and dangerous. They are urging all local law enforcement to search for him and advising anyone that sees him to stay away and call for help. They believe his car could be rigged with explosives.

The FBI says it all started with a search warrant for a federal criminal investigation. No one was home when they arrived around 9 a.m. but authorities were at the scene for hours and stayed there late into the evening. At some point in in the evening, there was a loud bang. Sources say they were able to safely disrupt some sort of device.

Hazmat crews were also able to recover what appears to be a very large amount of ricin. Officials said the substance they found still needs to be tested to confirm that it is indeed ricin, but at this point they are working on confinement and collection.

He’s got guns, his car is rigged with explosives, his house was booby-trapped, and he had ricin. Later I’ll talk about what you do with ricin.

Here’s Ryan’s Twitter page.

I’m on Twitter, but only to increase my search-engine rankings. Ryan loves Twitter. Much of what he tweets is so dull that I’d rather sit in a completely empty room for eight hours than read his Twitter feed.

Binge-watching, for example. Everyone’s doing it! Of course you have make a record of it and broadcast it so the world will know.

He gets his news from The Daily Show.

“Glorious”? Are you familiar with Leland Yee? He’s a Democratic state senator from California, famous for his anti-gun stance. On March 26, 2014, he was arrested for corruption and gun trafficking. He was trying to get machine guns and shoulder-fired missiles for jihadists. Yee is also connected to the Chinese mob, which murders people. What, exactly, is funny about that?

Ryan watches Saturday Night Live. A lot, apparently.

And I’m sorry, Beyoncé is now utterly mediocre. This is BORING.

Formulaic, boorish, and—like most of today’s pop music—a riff instead of a song. It’s got an unfinished sound to it. Compare anything by Beyoncé to this.

Lyrics to Led Zeppelin’s “For Your Life.”

Heard a cry for mercy
In the city of the damned
Oh, oh babe. Damned
In the pits you go no lower
But the next stop’s underground
Oh, hello underground
Your wine and roses ain’t quite over
Fate deals a losing hand
And I said: Didn’t mean to
Did not mean to f-fail
You didn’t plan it
You overran it

Lyrics to Beyoncé’s “Partition.”

Driver roll up the partition please
Driver roll up the partition please
I don’t need you seeing ‘Yonce on her knees
Took forty-five minutes to get all dressed up
We ain’t even gonna make it to this club
Now my mascara running
Red lipstick smudged
Oh he so horny
Yeah, he want to fuck
He popped all my buttons
And he ripped my blouse
He Monica Lewinski all on my gown

‘Nuff said.

Ryan loves everything Beyoncé does, but he hates…Fox News!

Why do so many people think Fox News is a threat to life as we know it? Have you seen their ratings? The most popular show on cable is the The O’Reilly Factor. It has about 2.1 million viewers out of a nation of 300 million. In comparison Jon Stewart’s The Daily Show is getting 2.5 million viewers per episode. All you people terrified and enraged by Fox News can relax. All will be well.

Back to Ryan Chamberlain, idiot and nascent terrorist.

No. You’ve got it exactly backwards. The people who think climate change is an emergency are the end-of-the-world prophesiers. Read their own words.

Life in parts of the planet will start to be wiped out by climate change within two decades – far sooner than previously predicted, research shows.

Ecosystems will be destroyed and economies crippled, dealing a blow to global food supplies, experts say.

In just over 30 years, local weather norms across the world will be consigned to history as we reach the point of ‘climate departure’.

‘Within my generation, whatever climate we were used to will be a thing of the past,’ said Dr Camilo Mora, of the University of Hawaii.

I’ve been hearing for fifteen years now that the polar ice will be gone in five years. Some demented butthole on Facebook posted one of his “We Are Doomed” climate-change articles, and when I responded, all hell broke loose. Three people I considered friends no longer speak to me because my view on anthropogenic climate change is different than theirs.

Ryan Chamberlain thinks Russell Brand is a brilliant policy wonk.

No. Russell Brand is a middling comedian. He has no moral compass, no knowledge of history, and no understanding of geopolitics.

I don’t hate rich people; Che Guevara was a rich person…

One night late at the Watford Gap I got chatting to a couple of squaddies, one Para, one Marine, we talked a bit about family and politics, I invited them to a show. Then we were joined by three Muslim women, all hijabbed up…

Here we were free from the divisive rule that tears us apart. That sends brave men and women to foreign lands to fight their capitalist wars, that intimidates and unsettles people whose faith and culture superficially distinguishes them, that tells the comfortable “hush now” you have your trinkets. It seemed ridiculous that refracted through the power prism that blinds us; the soldiers could be invading the homeland of these women’s forefathers in order to augment my luxurious stupour.

Che Guevara was a murderer. Shouldn’t that be reason enough to hate him?

Although Guevara’s image has appeared on countless items for consumption over the last few decades as a symbol of change for the better, Guevara’s actual record is that of a brutal tyrant who suppressed individual freedom in Cuba and murdered those who challenged his worldview…

The Cuban revolution under the direction of Guevara also saw the rise of forced labor camps which gave way a few years later to full-scale concentration camps. These were filled with dissidents, homosexuals, Jehovah’s Witnesses, Afro-Cuban priests, and anyone else who had committed “crimes” against the new moral revolution.

Despite the mountain of evidence for these abuses, much of which comes directly from Guevara’s own meticulous journals, popular culture still largely views him as a revolutionary of the people.

As for Brand’s view on war, it’s how a child thinks. How the fuck does Russell Brand’s “luxurious stupor” benefit from an invasion of Muslim countries? Is he paid a bounty for each Muslim who dies? The notion that we go to war for capitalism is one of the dumbest red herrings ever. Arms manufacturers make their profits from exports. The world is so economically intertwined that wars are bad for business. Haven’t you seen how stock markets tank when we have wars, Mr. Brand-duh?

Finally, Ryan Chamberlain isn’t the “wordie” he claims.

What does that mean, an “eidetic look” at a debate? The definition of eidetic is “marked by or involving extraordinarily accurate and vivid recall especially of visual images.” Is this a book about extraordinarily accurate memories of a debate?

Ryan Chamberlain’s head is stuffed with misinformation, slogans, memes, lies, deliberate reductionism, and self-regard. Though he lives in a neighborhood with a median house price of nearly $1.2 million, he decided to load up on guns, explosives, and ricin. You know what ricin is and what it’s for?

It’s a poison made from the seeds of the castor oil plant. You put it in municipal water supplies, or you drive around dispensing it from a car, or you send it to people you hate. Given his self-admitted hyperpolitical nature, Chamberlain was probably going to kill Fox News staff and Republican politicians.

And he was going to do so because he’s so superficial that he can’t separate fact from fiction.