Happy birthday, Dad. You would’ve been eighty-five today. Since you died, I’ve been on a quest to find out who you were. You wrote three memoirs, two of which you had duplicated and distributed among your children. For some reason you didn’t give us the third one, even though you finished it in 2009….
Things I never did because I knew they’d kill me
June 13, 2023
Today I got a World War One postcard from Estonia. The envelope had a stamp on it that reminded me of the time I didn’t listen to the little voice in my head that warned me to not to be an idiot. I paid for not listening. The few times I ignored that voice, I’ve…
Hell is other people. In cars.
June 12, 2023
I used to dread vacations when Dad was in charge. His idea of taking time off as a family was to pile into the car at the crack of dawn, drive until lunch, eat, and then drive until sunset. And we couldn’t talk. As a teenager I discovored Jean-Paul Sartre’s famous quote “Hell is other…
Is it hard to keep your balance?
June 11, 2023
I have trouble with my balance. Meniere’s disease causes rotational vertigo attacks, and down I go. So I’d like to ask some of my fellow Americans: Is it hard to keep your balance when you stand on dead bodies while trying to score political points? Today I’m reading a lot of gloating. Some Americans are…
The price of denial
June 10, 2023
In 2013 neither of my parents would acknowledge the seriousness of their illnesses. For them the price of denial was their lives. Today the Iraqis are seeing what happens when you refuse to face reality and change your ways to accommodate unpleasant truths. Iraqi City of Mosul Falls to Jihadists. BAGHDAD — Islamic militants overran…
Frigging dumb limbo mumbo jumbo
June 9, 2023
One of my favorite films is Altered States, starring William Hurt and Blair Brown. It’s about a man who searches for meaning and feels entirely cut off from everybody. I love Charles Haid’s epic rant that ends with, “I’m not going to listen to any more of your cabalistic, quantum, frigging dumb, limbo mumbo jumbo!”…
Blowback
June 8, 2023
In the intelligence world, the term “blowback” has many meanings. For the purpose of this post, I’ll use the definition I learned when I was in high school: Training and equipping people who eventually turn on you. Today there was a hugely destructive attack on Karachi International Airport. Terrorists armed with automatic rifles, hand grenades,…
A role I never envisioned for myself
June 7, 2023
As a child I wanted to be a stuntman. Then I wanted to be a cop. Then I lost my bearings and careened from one desire and occupation to another. There was never a method to my madness; I just had no clue what I was supposed to do or be. And now I occupy…
The D-Day movie to watch
June 6, 2023
Today is the seventieth anniversary of the Allied invasion of Europe. If you’re in the mood, I’d like to recommend a D-Day movie. The reason it’s so great is that it’s a deeply serious, low-key look at the decision to launch an operation that would cost untold numbers of lives. In case you don’t know,…
A nightmare, some help, and a flower
June 5, 2023
Last night I had terrible dream. I don’t know why it was so awful. Since my bad dreams linger, I was sure that the whole day was ruined. But I appear to have gotten some help. In the nightmare I tried to call my mother on the phone. The need to connect with her was…