Thomas Wictor

Internet tough guys actually gutless invertebrates

Internet tough guys actually gutless invertebrates—the self-proclaimed “front page of the Internet”—has refused my request to do an “Ask Me Anything” (AMA) on how Mike Albee and Lura Dold of Sandpiper Publicity defrauded me of $40,000 by exploiting the suicides of my parents in 2013.

Though I provided all the documentation, I got the following message.

Please do not use any personal information on reddit.

What the fuck does that even mean? Names are personal information. I see lots of names on Reddit. Look at all these names scheduled for upcoming AMAs.


I keep hearing all these stories about the rough, two-fisted, fearless denizens of Reddit. What happened to them? First they banned “climate change deniers,” and now they won’t let someone talk about the undisputed fact that he was utterly defrauded, as proven by PayPal refunding me as much as they could.

Over the last month, I’ve learned just how unwilling people are to put their money where their endlessly flapping mouths are. Everyone bitches all day and night about how terrible the world is, but when given a chance to rectify something, they hike up their skirts and run screeching from the room.

Now I just find it funny. In my efforts to expose Mike Albee and Lura Dold, I’ve exposed newspapers, blogs, and Websites as bastions of poltroonery. They’re nothing but tethered gasbags floating around in their fantasy world, gently bumping against each other. I don’t know anything about role-playing video games, but I picture chubby man-boys with sticklike arms and big, fat, soft, spreading butts, clicking away at their keyboards as they imagine themselves as this.

Those are Bulgarian trench raiders from 1918. You should read about the Third Battle of Doiran. It took place in the mountains of the Macedonian Front, September 18-19, 1918. The Bulgarians had built shell-proof fortifications that repulsed Allied attacks in 1916 and 1917. During the final battle, the British, French, Serbs, and Greeks failed for the third time to take the Bulgarian positions.

Bulgarians were infamous for their abnormal physical strength and deadly skill at close combat. Heavily armed with machine guns and hand grenades, they were also experts with trench daggers. In short, they massacred the Allies.

The men in that photo were genuinely brave. They weren’t braggarts, and they wouldn’t have feared con artists with lime scale on their teeth. Fat-butted Internet loudmouths, on the other hand, are so afraid that they either don’t respond, or they send me bizarre non sequiturs that explain nothing. A few have come right out and admitted that they dread the possibility of litigation.

No idea what the basis for a case against them would be. Neither Mike Albee nor Lura Dold have responded to my daily accusations that they’re frauds and grifters. Albee has absolutely no record in the publishing industry. The publicist I spoke to yesterday reeled off the names of her contacts at various media outlets, the same shows and publications Albee mentioned. He, however, was never able to give me any names.

Albee says he sends out press kits by FedEx; however, that isn’t done anymore. It’s what used to be done years ago. He’s never gotten a single client on any national show. All the claims on his two Websites are lies. He fabricated everything. It’s all pretend. None of his so-called accomplishments exist.

I could go on and on and on, but what would be the point? Like Reddit, everybody’s afraid. Fine. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Tim tells me it’s because I’m not a woman. If I were a woman, everyone would jump all over the story. Better yet, he says, if I were a non-Caucasian woman, journalists would be beating down my door.

Is that right, O gutless invertebrates? Are you all racists who think that a white male is worth less than a woman of color? Don’t forget that I’m part Mexican. Look at my brown mommy.

Doesn’t that offset my white privilege a little?

Let’s talk about this “white privilege” shit for a second. Are you thinking that I deserved to be defrauded because I’m mostly white? Am I getting a little payback for all the terrible things whites have done?

Great. From now on every victim of a crime must be judged by the collective actions of his or her ethnicity. So if you’re black, tough luck. Blacks have been responsible for some of the worst atrocities in history. The Nigerian Civil War of 1967-1970 killed three million, the Rwandan genocide of 1994 killed a million, the Ethiopian famine of 1983-1985 was engineered and killed half a million, and black Africans were slave traders. In fact, they enslave other Africans to this day.

Latinos? Your ancestors engaged in human sacrifice, including children. The Aztecs sacrificed as many as 20,000 a year, mainly from neighboring city-states. They also skinned people alive. The Mayans and the Zapotec did it too.

Asians? The Red Chinese have killed as many as 100 million. The Japanese slaughtered untold millions from 1910 to 1935. The Cambodians murdered three million from 1975 to 1979. The Vietnamese did their best to kill every Hmong and Montagnard they could.

Native Americans? Well, ask the Anasazi. Oh, sorry: You can’t, because they were exterminated. Other Native Americans used terrorism, mass executions, and cannibalism to wipe them out. Skeletons they found had the faces broken off with clubs.

Whether you trace your heritage back to Europe, the Indian Subcontinent, the Middle East, Central Asia, East Asia, the Americas, or Australia, your ancestors butchered somebody.

Maybe I’m the only one, but I don’t hold present-day people responsible for what those of the same ethnicity did generations, centuries, or millennia ago. I also don’t believe that justice should be based on a person’s race or gender.

But if it makes you fat-assed, trembling Redditors feel more well-disposed toward me, you can add this to my Mexican genes.

Not as white-hetero-male-privileged as you thought, huh?

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