Thomas Wictor

I make my living as an investor. It’s hard because some people are happy only if they’re panicking. They sell at the slightest hint of…well, anything. Because of these unreachable, inconsolable morons, I suffer massive paper losses. A month later, I’ve earned it all back. The panicking is completely irrational.

My father’s hobby was panicking. I worked for him from 1993 until his death in 2013. It was not possible for me to calm him, because he refused to listen. Now, I’m being flooded with messages from people who are panicking about the Iran nuclear deal. Like my father, they get angry at me for not panicking along with them. They don’t actually know anything except that I’m wrong about Israel having the ability to destroy Iran’s nuclear facilities.

Those of you who are panicking are no longer allowed to contact me. The reason is that I put up with this dynamic from my father, but I owe nothing to strangers who get rude when I don’t agree with them. Today a woman told me that I obviously prefer a “sadomasochistic relationship with Jew-haters” than conversing with a wonderful person such as herself. She’d sent a long, semi-coherent message that REQUIRED an answer, she said, given all the points she raised.

The problem is that this period of my life is devoted 100 percent to others. From morning to night, I deal with the desires of the unemployed, cats, the dishonest, the angry, the depressed, the miserable, and the frightened. Several years ago in the supermarket, I saw a middle-aged woman with the most bitter face I’d ever encountered. She looked like an Otto Dix self-portrait.

Her purchases.

I came home and told my brother Tim.

“A caretaker!” he said. “That’s where you and I are headed.”

And he was right! We spent all of 2013 taking care of our dying parents.

Caring for my father was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, except for watching my mother starve herself to death. Though I’m not bitter, I’m under no obligation whatsoever to cater to panicking, deaf narcissists.

This is what I wrote back to the woman who accused me of sadomasochism.

A letter to the panicking

Hi, XXXXX:

I get hundreds of messages a day. Because of my PTSD, I dissociate when under stress, and I lose track of time. I’m in the process of resolving another huge scam I fell for, so it’s not the best of times.

You’re one of maybe 2000 people who want me to write about things. I have to balance those requests with my desire to tell everybody to shove it so I can get back to my quiet life of collecting postcards.

In the past few months, people have begun acting as if they own me. When I don’t say what they want, they get angry. They don’t understand boundaries. Now I’m being insulted by the very people I’m defending.

Your points, addressed one by one.

1. Bush didn’t bomb Iran because he never recovered from not finding stockpiles of WMD in Iraq marked “stockpiles of WMD in Iraq.” The completed WMD were taken from Baghdad to Damascus by 18-wheelers and 747 cargo flights. Thousands of barrels of “insecticide” were found at artillery sites. This information is open source. Bush could’ve talked about it at any time, but he’s weak.

2. The US was never afraid of Russia interfering on anyone’s behalf. In 2003 Russian crews manned the new antiaircraft defense system in Baghdad. The Russians assumed we wouldn’t strike the defenses and kill Russian nationals. They were wrong. Russian technicians and military personnel were blown up by US Wild Weasel SEAD aircraft.

3. China won’t stop Israel from attacking Iran. The Chinese military is without value. It can’t fight. Officers have to be bribed to carry out their orders, and most are involved in criminal enterprises. The recruits are horrible, nothing but crying man-children. China has no ability whatsoever to project power. It’s no threat to Israel.

4. How’s Russia going to stop an Israeli attack on Iran? What weapons systems will it use? Look at the map. The Russians can’t even defeat the Ukrainian army and partisans. They won’t tangle with the IDF under any circumstances.

5. Israel is completely united in opposing the Iran deal. The opinions of the P5+1 nations and the UN are not a consideration. Only two nuclear bombs will utterly destroy Israel. Do you think Netanyahu is going to allow Israel to be destroyed because he’s worried that the Jew-hating UN won’t like him? How come you don’t know about the Begin Doctrine? An Israeli military response is a guarantee.

6. The US won’t prevent Israel from attacking Iran. Why didn’t Obama do anything to stop Operation Protective Edge, even after the IDF took weapons from the US stockpile without permission? Why did Obama meekly replenish the Hellfire missile supply? The global anti-Israel propaganda was unprecedented, yet the US didn’t apply any pressure whatsoever.

7. Azerbaijan and Turkmenistan aren’t run by imbeciles. Israel obviously has the capability to defend those nations, or otherwise the IDF wouldn’t have bases there. The IDF Dolphin II stealth submarines have nuclear missiles, and they can’t be tracked. The IDF also has the capability to destroy Iranian ICBMs on the launchpad. They haven’t said how, but the clear answer is Heron strategic UAVs armed with air-to-surface missiles.

8. The Saudis gave Israel intelligence on Hezbollah in 2006, and Saudi foreign minister Prince Saud al-Faisal said it was time to normalize relations with Israel. The Israelis aren’t idiots walking with their eyes closed into a trap. Obviously before Israel entered into any kind of military relationship with the Sunni Arabs, there would have to be arrangements, such as stationing Arabic-speaking Israeli officers in Saudi and Emirati headquarters.

9. What better way is there to convince the world that a strike on Iran is not coming than having so many Israeli leaders speak out against it?

10. The Iranian military is worthless. They had to be removed from the battlefield in Iraq, and they’re been unable to defeat the pathetic al-Nusra Front and Islamic State in Syria.

You read one set of sources, and I read another. You read what the press is spoon fed by Israeli commanders who know what they’re doing, and I read how the IDF is training to evacuate all of southern Lebanon in twenty-four hours. I read how the Saudis have a plan for destroying Hezbollah in a ground war. I read how the Arab League has quietly assembled a rapid-reaction force to fight Iran. I read how the IDF is suddenly revealing capabilities that defy belief, such as mapping every building in Gaza, inside and out.

I’m tired of this. All I get now is grief. If you want to be afraid, BE AFRAID. Huddle, moan, weep, and bite your fingernails. But don’t send me long messages telling me I’m wrong, when you don’t even know what’s happening right in front of your eyes.

I won’t fight people who refuse to listen. Accept or reject my posts, but don’t send me any more lengthy, superficial diatribes. I’m sick of it. You and about 1000 other people keep telling me I’m wrong. Okay, if I’m wrong, what do you want me to do about it? Why is it necessary for you to convince me that I’m wrong? What happens after that?

“Dear world, I was wrong. Love, Tom.”

And? Do I get to keep blogging, or do I have to stop?

Get together with all the other people telling me I’m wrong, and figure out what you want me to do. You obviously don’t want to be reassured, so do you want me to write posts telling you that you’re screwed?

When you’ve all decided what you want me to say, print up a contract, and I’ll sign it and write what you tell me to write. Then make sure to let me know what ELSE you’re unhappy about.