Thomas Wictor

In my youth I was apolitical. After 9/11 I became very politicized. I am now apolitical again.

Don’t get me wrong; I still read about politics every day and vote in every election, but I invest no emotion in any political party or politician. Now, we can see more clearly than at any time in American history that politics are vital. Voters must be informed. The reason I’m no longer emotionally invested in the process is because voters will remain resolutely uninformed as a matter of pride. I’ve reached my breaking point when it comes to unchanging dysfunction. Let me illustrate.

I found this video on a different Website, not the one to which I’m linking. On every site the video is shown, it says the same thing: “Unmarked military gunboats seen patrolling Louisiana canals.”

I sent an e-mail to the person who runs the Website, explaining that these are Special Operations Craft—Riverine (SOC-R) operated by U.S. Navy Special Warfare Combatant-craft Crewmen (SWCC). The SWCC make up the Special Boat Teams (SBTs), and their only mission is putting U.S. Navy SEALs into place and then pulling them out. They don’t patrol.

These boats are from SBT-22, based at John C. Stennis Space Center in Hancock County, Mississippi. SOC-Rs are never marked. In the video they’re going slowly to keep from splashing the residents. The reason they’re in the canals of Eden Isles is to familiarize themselves with the lay of the land. In 2005 SBT-22 was sent to rescue victims of Hurricane Katrina near Eden Isles.

During an emergency it’s important for first responders to know the geography of the area where they’re going to be deployed. In the video the boats of SBT-22 were obviously training, and they took the opportunity to go through the canals so the sailors could see how many houses there were and what they would have to do in a rescue operation.

“Why do they have loaded guns pointing at civilians?” the Website owner wrote back.

I replied that in the video I saw, the weapons were all pointed up into the air, not at anyone. Also, how did the Website owner know the guns were loaded? The military routinely goes into civilian areas to train, but the weapons are always unloaded.

“Prove to me that the weapons are unloaded,” was the response.

Obviously I couldn’t, but again, how did the Website owner know the weapons were loaded? He’d said the SWCC were “pointing loaded weapons at civilians.” How did he know that?

“Why would they train with unloaded weapons?” he asked.

Actual live-fire training exercises are relatively uncommon, I told him. Members of the armed forces practice marksmanship on gunnery ranges, but they don’t often carry out exercises with loaded weapons because it’s so dangerous. It’s not necessary for SBTs to train with live ammunition all the time. They practice infiltration and exfiltration, they practice steering the boats in various conditions, they get the crews and SEALs used to riding in the boats, and then sometimes they do a full mock mission with live ammunition.

But given that each SOC-R is armed with two GAU-17 miniguns that fire fifty bullets per second, one M2 .50 caliber machine gun, two M240 light machine guns, and two 40 mm MK 19 grenade launchers, the chances that they were loaded was zero. The military doesn’t allow its troops to carry loaded rifles or pistols on its own bases. What would be the purpose of loading the astronomically more lethal weapons of the SOC-Rs? The military only load their weapons when they’re going to use them. Why would the navy send SOC-Rs with fully loaded weapons into a residential area?

“To get everyone used to the sight of the military patrolling so that when marshall[sic] law is declared, people won’t even know it,” was the answer.

But you don’t have to have loaded weapons in order to acclimate people to the sight of armed troops, I replied. Besides, the SBTs don’t patrol. If martial law were declared, they’d send out the National Guard to put the jackboots on our necks and use the SBTs to deal with the troops and police who refused to take part in imposing the dictatorship. The SBTs wouldn’t be squandered on patrolling.

“What are you, an Obama cocksucker?” he wrote back.

Yes, that’s right. Trying to reassure this guy that there was nothing to fear from the fact that SBT-22 was in Eden Isles makes me an Obama cocksucker.

“No, I’m actually Obama,” I answered. “I’m engaging in disinformation to lull you into a false sense of security, and then Pow! I’ll declare marshall law. You, my friend, will have a DSL15C quartered in your house in blatant violation of the Third Amendment.”

“Fucking smartass. Go fuck yourself. Lib Asshole.”

“Lib Asshole is my favorite actress! Did you see her in Obama Cocksucker Declares Marshall Law?”

No response. Oh well.

Dear President Obama:

If you’re reading this—and now we know that you read everything we write and listen to everything we say—could you please declare Music Man StingRay Law too? I can’t play anymore, but I’ll give mine to Scott Thunes, so it won’t go to waste. Thanks.

Love,
A Cocksucker