Thomas Wictor

An interview of me in Blue Pacific Newspaper, Volume 19, Number 37, September 13, 2013.

By Christian Vasquez.

Great, friendly, interested guy. We struggled over the photo of me to use.

I wish they’d gone with this one. It’s my homage to Sister Wendy Beckett.

She was known as “One Take Wendy” because they would set up the camera, and when they were ready, she’d explain the art in one take, off the top of her head. Keep in mind that this is a contemplative, a person who spends all her time alone, praying. The only time they had to do two takes was when she was describing the cave paintings at Lascaux, France, and she was overwhelmed with emotion.

In one of her shows, she’d spoken four words that drove the hideous Bill Moyers completely around the bend:

“Lovely, fluffy pubic hair.”

He spent three-quarters of his interview with her talking about her virginity and her comments on erotic imagery. A grown man, he was prissily outraged. It’s hilarious when really poisonous people expose their horrendous personal problems without even knowing it. Tim and I laughed and laughed at poor, sputtering Bill as he dug and dug and dug, and then his hole caved in on him. He buried himself, right on the air.

It’s the only time I’ve seen Sister Wendy lose patience.

“Dear Bill,” she began after the fiftieth time he demanded to know how a virgin could know anything about sex.

What I don’t understand was why this paragon of tolerance and enlightenment staked out territory where certain people were not allowed. Why can’t a nun and a virgin talk about public hair, Bill? She wasn’t even discussing the physical act. Do you have alopecia of the groin, Bill? Is that what your issue is? You new actually grew pubic hair yourself, or it fell out due to some kind of alcohol-induced endocrinological collapse?

Might I suggest to the Moyers family that after Bill joins the choir invisible, why not give him a black, marble headstone that just says, “Lovely, fluffy pubic hair”?

I’m sure he’d have no problem with it.